Tarun Pradhaan : The Illusion of Relations

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cq8PXPI_RI

[Music]

welcome to the transmissions the relation is a certain kind of the

built-in see the dependency can be of an object on another object an object and

person are person-to-person we have seen in our last episode that there is no

person actually individual is an illusion so what we see is that in

reality the dependency is between the objects and objects objects and body

body and body body and mind and mind mind these are the possible combinations

of dependencies which we call as relations why is there dependency

because there is a need there is a need to survive and therefore these entities

are dependent on each other for their survival dependency enables survival we

are dependent on certain things for survival when we are dependent we call

it a relation the relation is simply survival there is all relation is it is

an adaptation for survival it is a set of behaviors that this body

mind organism adopts in order to survive that is what you call a relation a

relation is simply a give and take

relation is a transaction relation is a

behavior which is beneficial for survival neutrally beneficial set of

behaviors is a relation when there is no need there is no relation all of our

behavior of this body mind is governed by need to survive all of our like Sarge

that which enables survival that it is beneficial for survival ends up being

our like that which is harmful for survival we dislike it all of our likes

and dislikes are actually oriented towards survival only what we call love

is extreme like a favor an attraction that is whatever is beneficial for

survival we call it love all the hate is the opposite of love which is extreme

dislike repulsion and avoidance we avoid everything that is harmful for survival

and we call it hate to behave in certain ways which benefit our bodily life our

bodily existence those set of behaviors those thoughts those tendencies you call

it as love and when we behave in a certain way to avoid that which is

harmful for survival is the hate they

are not emotions the emotion is a byproduct of these drives that we have

these drives are felt as emotion the portion in the mind that drives this

organism that is what the relation is it

is just a set of tendencies driven by a need to survive so we see that a

relation is simply our animal nature it is a dependency and therefore it is a

bondage it is in the mind it is need it

is a program to relate is to bind oneself to these tendencies of mind

relation is an identification with these

tendencies of the mind they actually identify with what we are related to

we are related to a body we identify with the body we are related to other people we identify ourselves as son of

this daughter of this husband of this wife of this these are the bondages that we have formed the reason is made need

to survive freedom is freedom from the relations when I need nothing it is

extreme freedom free only when there are

no relations as soon as there are relations there is bondage and then we

are governed by this set of behaviors that drive our lives one can say that

okay I cannot live without relations ah this is okay but I need to lations in

order to live and we can see immediately that we need not give up living we need

to give up the bondage only the bondage is in the mind the bondage is not out there so one can ask now if I do not

relate to anybody if there is no love or hate isn't that indifference in my view

indifference is just another kind of relation you have avoided everything

that is not required for your survival the relation is slightly neutral it is

not extreme but it is still a relation so actually there is a state where you

can relate to everything without relating that set of behaviors is called

unconditional love it is not a simple extreme like or dislike it is not

defined by what you need or what you don't need it is not indifference it is total

acceptance unconditional love is just acceptance there is no love there is no

hate there is no traction there is no repulsion when you give selflessly that

is unconditional love they demand nothing when we live selflessly

when we do not live under the delusion of being an individual that is trying to survive this kind of behavior is

unconditional love it is actually more like a state of the mind it is less like

a set of behaviors the behaviors are then driven by the state of

unconditional love the state of acceptance unconditional love is

non-dual there is no opposite of unconditional love there are opposites of all relations but

the unconditional love is the only relation which is not a relation which

is which has no dual there is no opposite of it you can break down the

human relations into seven categories if you are interested in studying what the

humans do the first category is transactional for example I form a

relation only when I need something and then the relation is broken as soon as I get it it is pure give and take it

is a business transaction for example I go to my shopkeeper I buy things and buy

the stuff that is needed for my survival I pay him money he accepts the money and we say goodbye that is the end of the

relation if I don't want anything I do not go there I have nothing to do with

the shopkeeper it is just a transaction it is simply fulfilling of needs that's

all it is it is called transactional there is another kind of human relation which is called genetic and and if that

comes the relation of the mothers and the fathers and father-daughter siblings

and relatives actually whenever I say relation you assume the genetic kind of

relation the view of the society regarding relations is very very narrow

and ignorant they think nany kind of relation there can be is a genetic

relation also called the blood relation if you see that is a D in another kind

of illusion that is an idea in the mind we know that the genetic material the DNA is common among all living things it

is exactly the same it defines how the bodies are formed so obviously the

bodies are born out of other bodies and so there will be correlation between these two bodies actually we have

genetically related to a potato 40% to a cow 80% to a dog 90% and to a chimpanzee

99% that is equal to the genetic

connection which you have with your siblings or your grandmother grandfather or whatever relatives you have you are

also a relative of a potato why do we give favor why do we favor

however these other relatives instead of other living things the answer is very

simple these other people these are other individuals they are directly related to

our survival if the mother does not feed a child there is no relation if the

father does not provide a security to their children he's not a father he is

unrelated if there is no family where the protect

each other where the field each other well they are useful for each other in everyday life in everyday survival only

then it is a family if there is no need no family so whatever we call as genetic

relatives are again an arrangement for survival you won't know your father and

mother if nobody told you all plants and animals are our genetic relatives favoring few out of them is the tendency

of the mind it is all in the mind and the mind has found these tendencies these relations for only one thing

is survival there is another kind of relation which is called sexual relation

and it is formed solely for the purpose of procreation and all your marriage

relations and relations between males

and females partners they come under the category of sexual relations and you can

guess it is based on a need the need for reproduction they need to continue the

species all your marriages are sexual relations all this attraction repulsion

is of sexual nature there has to be sexual relation there otherwise it's not

a marriage we have legalized this kind of relation and we call it marriage the offspring

one out of this kind of wedlock bondage is a little off stream this is a

creation of the society which arises or finaid of reproduction and survival of

the the next generation otherwise there is no relation if there is no need there

is no relation there are other kinds of

relations which come under the category of social relations social bonds for

example that of a controller and controlled that of the ruler and ruled

that of a leader and the length there is a - there is a big social hierarchy

which comes under the social relations for example the relation of you with

your boss it is a social relation the boss is the provider here and you have

agreed to work for the boss it is a slavery that you have taken on because

you need to survive because somebody else has more than you and you have

agreed to do this service you are a servant because of the master

because of this need to survive when there is no such need there are no

social relations if you are completely free if you are completely independent you do not need a leader you do not need

a ruling class you do not need a provider there are many distortions that have

occurred in all these relations as as you can guess in the social relations the distortion is that those who are

controlling the masses they do not want the masses to become independent they do

not want the masses to be free and they keep them under certain kind of slavery

certain kind of dependency to keep this social relation going and we are all

slaves social slaves there is another

kind of relation that is found among humans and higher animals also which is

emotional relation there is sometimes an emotional bond and friendship is the best example of this relation

there is some kind of emotional fulfillment that we get when we are around people especially the people that

you like often this is called love but

as we have seen love is simply an emotional relation as soon as we do not

get this rise in emotions high emotions please and emotions this love turns to

hate it oscillate between these two depending on our emotional needs we find

that the organism especially the humans cannot survive when when its emotional

needs are not being fulfilled it is also a need it is also an illusion based on this need for humans to relate it is the

dependency of the emotional kind when you are happy with yourself you do not

need others to fulfill this kind of dependency there is no dependency actually above that there is relation of

the intellect we admire somebody who is of higher intellect

then ourselves somebody who is very very skilled an artist an engineer a

scientist a wise man a philosopher who knows a lot of things who is very smart

and intelligent we get attracted to such

kind of people because we lack this kind of still we like this kind of talent and

that forms an intellectual relation the relation between a student and a teacher

is an intellectual kind of relation we form a relation with somebody in order to learn to sharpen our intellect to

creatively use our intelligence that is the relation between the teacher and a student you can see that this is a

higher kind of relation still there is a need here the need to express our

intellectual abilities lead to formation of intellectual relations again if I am

expressing my intellect without restrictions there is no such dependency on others I don't need to learn anything

and there is no relation it is again in me only no need of intellectual

achievements no relations there is another kind of relation surprisingly which is higher than the intellectual

relation and that is also called the spiritual relation that is a recognition

of oneness when I see everything and everybody hears myself that is far that

forms a relation between everything and me that is the relation of oneness and

there is another name for unconditional love actually unconditional love is acceptance acceptance comes only when I

see everything as my own part and now you cannot call it a relation actually it cannot be broken how can it break

oneness once you realize I am one with everything thus truth cannot be broken and

therefore this relation the spiritual relation or that conditional love

as though opposite we cannot even call it a relation because it is not a phen

dependency it is not a dependency it is existence it is the realization of the

truth of the existence the oneness of the existence the realization that not

there is nothing separate all there is this is this witnessing consciousness

when there are many there are many objects there are many bodies there are

many people there are many in usuals there are many minds and therefore a

relation is possible how can there be relation when there is only one how can

I relate to myself I need at least two to form a relation if you are me if

everything is me do I need a relation and this realization brings the

acceptance you cannot artificially accept everything and call it an conditioned

love it is faith love it is not unconditional it will break apart as

soon as the situation's we can opposite it is just a pretension the recognition

of oneness the recognition of Who I am essentially brings about unconditional

love there is no other way to love unconditionally or to accept everything

and conditionally we do not call it a relation actually we call it a connection this connection is connection

of oneness that is how there is connection because there are no two

there is only funny I am that self which

appears as many this knowledge leads to acceptance these knowledge leads to

unconditional love then is not based on a dependency that is not based on a need

as you can guess very few can attain this kind of unconditional love this

kind of spiritual relation with you can study this matrix of relations

in more detail if you want we can take a look at the hierarchy of relations the

Seven kind of relations that I've shown you you can now easily correlate them

with the layers of the pile the higher we go in the hierarchy of the layers the

purer the relation becomes and at the highest level there is no relation there

is only a connection there is only a recognition of oneness that is all there

is the relations are in the mind in that is data and there are result of

ignorance and ignorance which is not

knowing my real nature not knowing the oneness of everything thus ignorance brings about all kinds of

relations and the relations are need-based the relations are selfish the

relations are doing there is a good relation and there is an exact opposite of that relation so there is this

transaction and there is indifference I am related genetically racially

nationally to some people I am not related to other people those with whom

I am genetically related they are my friends those who are not they are my enemies you can see the duality if there

is sexual fulfillment you call it love if not you call it hate you got it

dislike you call it rejection if there

is leading if there is caring leader it is good if there is operation if there

is slavery it is bad if there are Pleasant emotions induced by somebody

else you have a call it pure love if not you call it boredom the person is boring now

if you are of a higher intellect intelligence if you have more skills

then I have you are my master you are my teacher and your student otherwise you have useless

you are not useful for me these are the

dual kind of relations the last one in the spiritual kind has to not do well it

is unconditional acceptance it does not matter how others are how things are how

the spoiled is that is total acceptance because it is me I cannot not accept

what you are because there is this real realization of oneness you can see that

the oneness is expressing itself in form of duality is of religions so at the

highest level there is the self there is me I am the self I am thus witnessing

consciousness and there is nothing else so it has no do it not we know that

there is the high mind which is simply tendencies of the mind of like in thus like there is all there is below that is

the ego with the tendencies of love and hate fear and repulsion attraction and

dependency that is the egoic relation below that is the body with the

relations of pleasure and pain it forms relations where there is pleasure it avoids things which give it

pain there are programs the automated programs in the narrower system that are

that form the relations of reward and punishment there are structures in the

body that form the basic control systems anything that is good for survival of

the body we control systems favour that kind of action there is a bottommost

relation which is structures the structures are formed as relations

between objects for example your car is a structure which is simply a relation

between its different parts you break those relations when your steering wheel

is no more controlling the wheels well there is no carbon it is a

broken object it is a broken structure that is the lowest kind of organization

that we see in the self in the oneness we we call these layers as the universal

mind as you will see in our coming episodes I am going to take this kind of analysis into greater depths it is also

very enlightening to compare the unconditional love with the ordinary

love the dualistic egoistic tendency of the mind which people call it college love so I've given a table here which

goes through this comparison what is the

ego it love what is the selfish love it is an impure form of the unconditional

love when the recognition of oneness is there the same love becomes pure it is

called pure love unconditional love or acceptance the ego it love is dual in

nature it has it is based on pleasure and pain reward and Punishment love and

hate unconditional love is not doing does not matter what kind of situations

are there the acceptance is always present ego it love is a set of

behaviors that is beneficial for survival assists in survival of the organism an unconditional love is simply

quality of the self nothing to do with survival it is the same in life and

depth in Berton life does not degenerate

when the survival takes over ego at love

originates from the need an unconditional love is selfless I have same love for you even if you

provide for me or not even if you hate me they're the same acceptance here even

if I don't need you I have the same acceptance for you

you will find that the ego at love needs an agent to trigger it if there is a

need you will find an agent a person an object and that triggers the love for it

as soon as the agent is gone the love is gone unconditional love is always present it

is eternally present it does not come and go how can the oneness come and go

the ego it love is exclusive to the object of the love if I love an object I

am going to love only that I do not like other objects if I love one person I

dislike other people or I'm indifferent to other people my love is exclusive this is the ego

it's love unconditional love is inclusive it includes everything it includes everyone if there is no ego at

love I am indifferent to other people unconditional love there is no indifference I have the same set of

behaviors for everybody when it is not retired

the ego at love turns into eight the I love you quickly because I hate you when

it is not return when the favor is not given back the ego it love turns into

eight actually it is the same thing appearing in two forms love is only hate

and here it is just negative love's attraction is negative repulsion only

the unconditional love does not suffer from this oscillation this it does not

turn into anything else when that condition was not a time actually it is

purely giving if it is the giving is not returned it still remains giving if

nobody accepts me next septons remains in case of ego it love the person who

holds that object or the person as a source of happiness because possessive

does not let go of that object or person clings to that person is afraid of

losing that person in a conditional love there is a carelessness there is freedom

there is no clinging there are no attachments if you come if you talk it's perfect

it's okay if you do not come to me if you do not talk to me it is perfect and

okay you are still me regardless of how you are behaving you are me

there is no possessiveness here letting people do what the bond is unconditional

love even if they are doing something wrong it is unconditional love nothing else

ego it love is about giving an expecting something in return it is giving take

unconditional love is only giving nothing is expected in return that is

unconditional that is the definition of the word unconditional without any conditions it is simply giving when you

are in a relation when you are in love you demand the love and return actually you divine all the care all protection

everything that is necessary for survival in return because you are related to that other person a marriage

is a very good example of such a relation then it is full of demands if

you are doing something in return to this to keep this relation going the

marriage laws stop doing it stop fulfilling the need of the others the

marriage is broken it is very selfish and the conditional relation unconditional love does not

demand there are no demands that are placed on you it is only giving if the

other person is demanding it is still giving it is not becoming a slave of the

other person because I need to give it is even the refusal to give is

unconditional not bowing down to the

demands of the others is also unconditional there is freedom in it there is total acceptance but you are

demanding but I cannot give it but I still accept what you are you are simply my own form

people need to maintain their relations even if they dislike doing something

they need to do it in order to keep that relation going because there is some kind of dependency their unconditional

love needs no action it is actionless we don't need to act to keep it going

because it is their fundamental nature of reality oneness acceptance

connectedness what do you need to do to keep everything connected nothing and ah

if a relation is between one body and the other body which is far for the

reason of procreation or sexual pleasure it will disappear as soon as the body becomes old as soon as the body becomes

we can actually that relation is broken or as soon as you find somebody who is more beautiful

who is more healthy in terms of the body more there is more reproductive success

in that relation so you will abandon the previous relation unconditional love

does not depend on the body I love a child unconditionally as much as I love an old man the old woman an animal the

grass trees insects fish I love everything independent of whatever

what can a body that farm is

when there is the selfish laugh that he could love it will better mine most of

your actions you are influenced by the need to remain in a relation your

actions your speech your thoughts they are enslaved by the relation

unconditional love is totally free you do what you want to do you speaki one

that you want to speak you think that you want to think there is total freedom here it is not bound by this endless

need to keep the relations going you are totally free here plus there is

unconditional love you help the people you do their work without forming any

kind of bond most of the people you

don't even know how to be free how to talk freely or how to act freely because they are totally enchained in these

egoic relations they have lost any sense of freedom actually because they are

totally bound by all kinds of relations you are born a bound person and you die

in bondage you have never known the freedom the reason is relations it is an

illusion that teams has bound the ego it love wants more you see this much love

is not enough you want more you want more acceptance by other people other people define you you are incomplete

because nobody likes you you are deficient because you nobody loves you there is always a sense of unfulfillment

there is always the sense of dissatisfaction because you are living

in an illusion it is not true and therefore does not give you any kind of satisfaction there

is always a demand to get more and more and more you want more relations you

want to be accepted by more people you want everybody to respect you you are

disturbed when people insult you mean they don't love you they hate you haven't they disrespected

even a simple different point of view is taken as hate and you are living in this

hell of relations all the time unconditional love does not want more if

it is everything what can it want how can it God more when you are already

everything when I have accepted everything as myself as connected to

myself as my own farm there remains nothing to get more it remains nothing

to get everything is me it is complete

satisfaction it is complete fulfillment and that is why it is not bound by

anything it is boundless love you can see that the ego it love or egoic

relations or egoic indifference is a kind of ignorance it arises out of this

ignorance of not knowing who I am because I do not know my essential

nature I do not know what is reality I do not know the truth I do not know what

is the self that I am the unconditional

love arises out of knowledge knowledge of non-duality equate knowledge of my

own real nature which is everything which is this existence I am this

existence I am unconditional I love myself

free from all relations free from all dependencies and free from all means my

behavior changes when this NF knowledge is here an endless snatching of happiness from

others to complete acceptance giving

this is our real nature our real nature is unconditional giving accepting our

real our nature does not like relations they are impermanent structures in the

mind relations are illusory the concept that arise out of the need for survival

the concepts in the mind that are formed because of this egoic need of survival

my real nature is free from these needs my real nature is totally unconditional

acceptance I do not need to relate to anybody

I do not need any relations when you are free from relations you are free in true

sense I am also this eternal freedom which expresses in many forms all

relations formed and broken on this eternal background of consciousness and

bliss I am already free I actually do not need to form a relation or to break

a relation in order to be free I simply need to realize my own nature which is

freedom itself which is love bliss itself I am that

thank you for listening [Music]

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